Friday, July 2, 2010

Living only for God

I seem to find it difficult to keep my focus where it should be. It's sorta like a spiritual ADD or something I guess. He opens a door for me, and I go for it. I start out good, working for God and good things happen. But I become so passionate about it that it consumes me, and instead of my eyes being on God and his purposes, I have focused my eyes on the task at hand. Eventually I identify myself so closely to the task at hand that I cannot seperate the two. I become the task and the task becomes God. I feel like a leach that sucks the glory out of what God is doing sometimes. Not that I openingly say "this is becuase of me", but there is something inside of me that says it is. We have to be so careful! I don't think God's desire is for us to have no joy or have no satisfaction in serving him. It seems to be such a fine line sometimes though. First of all, we need to remember that we don't have to earn our salvation, we don't have to do good things to make it to heaven. From a human standpoint, I think I have worked my whole life to impress people, and I feel like I have to do that with God too, and that is not the case. But I want God to be proud of me you know...? "Well done my good and faithful servant"... That's what I want to hear. To me that verse translated says, "I'm proud of you". So naturally, I want to help my cause so that I can hear that. but there I go again, back to works to try to earn my place. I get that God loves us, and that love is unconditional, but something inside wants me to do more to earn more. Being competitive does not help this situation at all... It seems to be the satisfaction and success of what I do that motivates me to work so hard. I need a perspective change. The love I have for God needs to be my motivation. Doing work to get something back is not God's kind of love. His love is selfless. I suppose we need that we are so spirtually wealthy, that we don't have to do anything, because we have all that we could ever want, but we still work just because we love God. And in addition to this, I probably love God for what he has done for me. that's probably not right either. I mean, he has certainly done enough to earn my love, but should it be like that...? I dont' think so. I think my task is to look at God for who he is, and get to know his person, not his works. I need to fall in love with God on a new level. hmm... interesting... Didn't see this blog ending up this way. lol Thanks God ;)

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